she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
