On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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