all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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