I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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