she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
