dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
