I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Text me some of your sweat
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
