I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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