I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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