my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
