Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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