She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
