He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
