I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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