dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
We got so high we made milksteak
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
