operation have a gay friend backfired
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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