laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
