i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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