he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
