weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Four minutes until I can fart!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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