I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Randomize
