You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I think people are normalizing furries
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
