I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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