Moan for me like Helen Keller
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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