he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
