I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
