Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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