He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
