he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
