I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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