you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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