Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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