And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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