Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
