Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
