Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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