I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
