I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
