You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
