If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
We are two peas in an std pod
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
