just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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