so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
