I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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