I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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