i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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