Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Randomize
