if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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