i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
