mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
