I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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