just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize