worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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