Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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