I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
