Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
