but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
