My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
