Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
