Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
