I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Randomize
