I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
