i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
