The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
