Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
