everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We talked him into tasing himself.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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