According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize